Almost
by Telera1701
Summary: When war and duty take priority on everything, almost something can be as much as you get... Short oneshot. Thane/FShep romance.


**AN: set between ME2 and ME3. Just a little onshot 'cause I couldn't sleep. Hope you like it. As always, reviews are much appreciated. :)  
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**ALMOST**

Shepard stirred and checked the clock for the umpteenth time, unable to sleep. The Reapers, the Collectors, the Galaxy, the Normandy, the Alliance, her crew, her friends... There was just too much going on in her head and for once she wasn't tired enough to pass out the moment she touched the pillow. What a way to waste such a rare occasion to catch up with some much needed rest.

Eventually she pushed the covers aside and sat up. If sleep wouldn't come, she could as well spend the night doing something – anything – but restlessly tossing and turning in her bed.

For a moment she considered just walking out the door in her tracksuit, but thought better and changed. As unlikely as it was to bump into someone at four in the morning, it would be inappropriate for Shepard to wonder around the ship in anything but a uniform. Unlike every other member of her crew, the Commander was _always_ on duty.

As she stood inside the elevator she realized she had no real idea of where she wanted to go... At least she knew she didn't want to go to tactical. There wasn't much she could do there beside waiting for new intel and she was not going to spend the night staring at the damn Galaxy map. This left engineering and crew deck, in other words: the first option if she wanted to go and chat up the two engineers on night shift; the second if she wanted the mess hall all for herself.

She pressed for Deck 3.

As the doors slid open she was surprised - and quite disappointed - to discover that someone had preceded her in reclaiming the mess hall. She almost pressed the button back to the captain's quarters but she didn't, and rounded the corner to at least find out who else was still up at that ungodly hour.

"Trouble sleeping, Thane?"

"Could ask you the same question..." The drell smiled politely and brought a steaming mug to his lips. "Join me for a cup of Arelian herb tea, Commander?"

"Why not…" She sat down as the man took another mug from under the kitchen counter and poured her the hot purple liquid. "Thank you."

"So… where will you be heading next?" she asked a little too casually.

"The Citadel," he replied, as if she didn't already know.

"For Kolyat?"

He nodded. "I'd like to spend some time with my son, there are open wounds that still need to be healed…" he took another sip of his drink, his gaze locked on hers.

"Of course…" she trailed off and focused on the bright coloured concoction in her cup.

Legion had been the first to leave the Normandy. Then Garrus, Tali, Samara, Mordin all got off on Ilium where they'd get a passage to their respective worlds. They dropped Grunt on Tuchanka only yesterday… they'd be docking at the Citadel in the morning and Thane would be gone too… and for some reason she wished she could delay that moment just a little longer. Without him there would be no one left. Yes, there was Joker, of course, but it wasn't the same.

"We'll keep in touch…" he interrupted her thoughts as if he could read her mind.

"Yes. Yes of course," she tried to smile.

She didn't know herself what she really wanted. What did she expect, that he'd just stay on board for her? For what? She never expected the Turian to, and they'd been through a lot together, they'd been comrades for much longer, they lost friends. Compared to Garrus Vakarian, the drell was almost a stranger… but she was fooling herself and she knew it. And Thane knew it just as well.

She realized it was the first time they talked after hitting the Collector Base. Things had been so hectic, repairs had to be made, decisions to be taken, a war to be ready for… with the Reapers at their front door her personal feelings really couldn't matter less.

That last night, before jumping through the Omega 4 Relay, they almost had something, but her sense of duty kicked in. She didn't _reject_ him – she wouldn't call it that. Yet she did send him away. The mission came first. They couldn't afford emotional distractions. Despite their chances being nearly suicidal, slim at best, she was determined to bring her men back alive, all of them. And she did. Commander Shepard did.

Tonight there was no mission straight ahead, no immediate threat and too much time to think. Now that they were face to face, alone, she couldn't pretend with herself that that she didn't care for him a lot more than she should.

"Thane…"

He placed his hand over hers. "You don't need to explain anything," his lips curled into a sad smile.

"I wish things had been different…" She lowered her head.

"A lot of things happened that we never wanted… but we're given the choice to stand against whatever Fate is throwing at us, or run and hide. And certainly you're not one for hiding."

"I'm not a hero." It was too late, she was too tired to be Commander Shepard. Why did it have to be her? She was nothing special. There were smarter, stronger, braver and better people out there. Why was the entire Galaxy looking at her to save them?! "I never asked to be a hero."

"It's not up to you to decide, Siha."

She looked up, her eyes locking with his. "What will I do without you…?" she blurted out, hardly realizing she even spoke.

"Overcome impossible odds, as always. It's what you do best."

She got up and rounded the table to sit next to him. He wrapped an arm around her shoulder and she rested her head against his chest, as if it were the most natural thing in the world. His body felt nice and warm, his breathing was slow and soothing, not yet revealing any trace of the disease that would eventually kill him.

The thought of his illness crossed her momentarily, and was dismissed an instant later. She failed to see the point in worrying about Kepral Syndrome when total war was about to crush every sentient being in the Galaxy. For one reason or the other, neither of them was bound to live to see old age anyway. It was entirely possible that she'd be the one to cross the sea first.

"I'm coming right back to the Citadel as soon as I clear things up with the Alliance…" she whispered. "Who knows, we might even have time for a holiday before the Reapers arrive…"

The lights of the mess hall flicked back on. The clock marked 05:30, the first day shift was about to begin.

"I'll be waiting for you," he squeezed her a little tighter. The two held hands for another minute before letting go.

There were so many things left unspoken, that they might never get the chance to say… things like _I'll miss you, I love you…_ but time was up and duty was calling. Reluctantly she stood up and straightened her uniform. "Goodbye, Thane."

"Good luck, Commander."


End file.
